Saturday, May 19, 2012


I am contemplating sleeping with my lamp on tonight.

As I undressed, I thought I heard something fall downstairs in the kitchen. I always leave my bedroom door open as I disrobe at night, allowing some air into my normally stagnant room.

I spooked.

When I quietly walked to the bathroom, I took my cellphone along, just in case. I checked that there was no one inside the tub, hiding behind the shower curtain.

I stopped and listened, wondering if I'd hear something more.

I washed my hands. I flossed and brushed my teeth.

I held my breath before I opened the bathroom door. There was no one there to greet me.

I closed the door behind me and quickly scurried the ten feet to my room anyway.

As I closed the door, I realized a fact forgotten. My door knob doesn't lock. It's been stuck since we moved in. I just never think about it because I never lock it.

As I fiddled with it, trying to force it to lock, I thought I heard movement outside my door. With nothing else left to do, I slid my clothes hamper, full of my sweaty discarded work attire, in front of the door.

I leaped into my bed. I pulled over my netbook. I started typing.

So far I have heard no other sounds.

There are no less than three other people in this house currently. Plus a dog. A loud obnoxious dog. All of them are asleep, I think.

And still, even though I should be sleeping, I can't.

I know this fear is irrational. I know I must curl up and close my eyes as soon as possible. If I am lucky, I will get five hours of sleep before I must again wake and go to work. A sixteen hour day awaits me in the morning.

But I can't just lie down. I can't just close my eyes. I can't just relax.

Fear is fear.

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