Sunday, November 30, 2008

My 6 Orgasm Night

Subtitle: My Continual Sexual Education

I, like most, love sex. It's fun, intimate, and invigorating. But, like many other women, I don't orgasm every time. Through patience, trial, and error, my S.O. and I have found I can cum in a specific position and with much concentration.

Until recently, though, I did not know how uncomfortable this experience made my partner feel. When I try to orgasm, I close my eyes and internally coach myself, using rather derogatory language. My S.O., not able to be in my head, felt closed off. He was having sex with me, but I was somewhere else.

During a recent quickie, I just wanted to cum and be done, a nice brisk morning fuck. We were in the correct position, and I was putting my work in. Then, my partner changed positions to a much more intimate and loving pose. I got pissed off. I literally, in medius res, asked, "Is this a good time to have a conversation about sex?"

My S.O. stopped immediately, feeling offended. We talked. Well, I apologized for being rude and explained my feelings. He then talked about his frustrations, as well.

Solution: My S.O. realized I needed to take more control of my orgasms. After work, he directed me to a store, where he purchased, for me, my first vibrator.

We took it back to my place and had a little lesson. This was not my first experience with a vibrator. My S.O. has brought out his own on special occasions. To start, he gradually introduced it, showing it to me and testing the speeds. He then began to massage me. After I came initially, he had me hold it in a certain position. He walked out of the room, leaving me trapped and feeling a bit ackward. I came again while waiting.

Once my S.O. returned, he massaged me in a different position. Orgasm #3. Then I was made to take the vibrator and use it on myself, my S.O. watching and coaching. Gingerly, I experimented with it, trying to understand and enjoy the experience. Orgasms #4 and #5 followed. Then my S.O. had his way with me while making me hold the toy still. Orgasm #6.

I let the vibrator go and we screwed intimately. I almost hit #7 as he came.

This experience is just another reason why I adore my S.O. He's understanding, patient, and always trying to help me learn and grow sexually. I'm so glad we found each other.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


I got a big fat letter in the mail today from my current healthcare provider. I am in the process of starting a new position and wanted to keep the insurance I have. So, I applied to my current provider, just as an individual instead of under a group plan. I told them everything I could think of that I have dealth with medically. I thought I would be fine. They already cover me. Why wouldn't they cover me now?

Sorry, but you're too fat. That was the verdict, said in nicer words. It doesn't matter that I'm in great health, blood pressure normal, no problems to speak of. I'm fat, so they won't accept me, even though they have had me for the past 1 1/2 years. Pissed can't even begin to describe how I feel.

I have been with this company since I was a child. My mother had this company and I received coverage until I was out of college. I was accepted by my current job's plan after two years without insurance. Thankfully, their healthcare was with the same provider. But now, I am going to be without again.

Count me among the 41 million. I have just been fucked over by the health insurance industry.

Friday, November 7, 2008

My Uncle Tony

Just trying to write this post makes the tears come.

I have this uncle. He has been a part of my life since I was born, but unfortunately not in the best ways. His crippled gate, splotched skin, huge afro, and constant chatter about religion makes him seem more like a cartoon character than actual person. But, he is family.

Uncle Tony lives with my mother in the house their father left them. Tony had polio as a child and was never academically capable. I think he's a little slow. His sickness kept him home. He didn't have a traditional education, but oh, he took to the good book just fine. He calls himself a bishop now and acts as a wandering preacher, though his travels don't take him that far. His gate is more of a rock than a walk. I really am amazed at his traveling resourcefulness.

When I was in high school, our bedrooms were side by side. It was those years that pulled whatever connection we may have had firmly apart. I remember being kept awake at night by his preaching over the phone. I was very resentful that once I had a test the next day, yet he kept going, even after I yelled through the wall. Once he complained to me, some time earlier, that my television was too loud one night as he tried to sleep. A teenager and a preacher do not make the best housemates.

My mother takes care of him, though he requires little looking over. She loves him, though I do not know how she can stand him. My interactions with him are brief. I make them that way. But, he is still family.

With the death of Ella this year, my emotions are often raw. Recieving a phone call from my mother with the word "hospital" in it, and not refering to her job, makes my insides tumble.

My uncle Tony fell down the stairs about two weeks ago. It was 3pm. My mother didn't get home until sometime after 6. He laid there, I'm sure screaming for help. But there was no one, save her, to look after him. She called the ambulance and he was rushed to the hospital. He suffered a broken hip. I'm just glad he didn't die.

The first thing that came to my mind when she called and told me was, "Oh no. Not another death in the family. Does he have insurance? How are we going to deal with this?"

I guess you can surprise yourself with your true emotions. Most of the time my resentment and disgust overwhelm anything else I feel about my uncle. I cried when my mother called. I don't want anyone else to die this year. I don't care what differences we have. He's still family, crazy, eccentric, and all.

He made it through surgery and physical therapy at a nursing home. He's back in his own bed now, with my mother tending to his medications and getting him around the house. She says she now knows what I went through with Ella. Really, she is only skiming the surface.
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