Monday, November 30, 2009

Bad Day

I had hoped my next post would be a wrap up of my Turkey Day Vaca (actual title of soon-to-be entry), but life has once again spoiled my plans.

As of January 1st, or sooner if I so choose, my job position will be eliminated. That's right folks: I've been laid off. The economy sucker punched me today; I am now a statistic.

Of course my life hasn't ended. I have money saved up to help cushion the hardship (thank God for the invention of the Emergency Fund), not to mention an SO helping to pay half the rent. All-in-all, things could be worse. Having said that, I know I'm going to spend a good amount of time in today's therapy session (well scheduled, I know!) trying to allow myself to cry about it.

I hope my next post here will be more fun than this one.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Turkey Day Edition of Photo Friday

Folks, I apologize for my noted absence from this blog. It's not been on purpose that I've lacked in my postings. Instead, it is for this...

the many many scarves I've been knitting & crocheting for family and friends, in lieu of buying presents this year. Yes, I know it seems as if I'm not stimulating the economy like a nice little American consumer, but as you can see by this mound of yarn...

I am in fact doing my part to keep craft stores alive.

On that note, I present more photos for your enjoyment.

The junk in my truck.

More awesome cloud shots.

Fun with trees...

and leaves.

And finally, the joy of perspective, aka My Humongous Hand!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 16, 2009

When It's Easy to Be Ignorant

Lately, I've been thinking about the issue of putting gay marriage/partnerships to a vote. People can't understand why, when you poll folks one month they are for equality for gays, but then the next month it's voted down.

Today I read an article in Newsweek, suggesting maybe it is the portrayal of gay characters in television today influencing people's opinions on the matter: King of Queens. I personally disagree with their argument. They cited how some characters are too stereotypical, how there are more bisexuals instead of lesbians now, and how flaming some contestants have been on Project Runway. Stretch? I would say yes.

I think the votes in California and Massachusetts, to name a few, have precious little to do with television representations of gays. Instead, I think it has to do with the medium GLBTQ rights groups have chosen to push their fight. Sending the issue to the ballot box is a bad idea.

I remember when I was little, going with my mother to the polls, standing behind the curtain with her while she voted. I thought it was awesome, how secretly you were given this time to help choose the destiny of our country. Unfortunately, it is the secrecy that's the problem. When you are in a voting booth, you can be a bigot without anyone knowing.

Putting the rights of any sector of society to a vote is ridiculous and cruel. Of course people voted it down. Can you imagine what would have happened if Jim Crow laws had to be voted down one by one? I'm sure it would have looked somewhat similar to LGBTQ struggles now. Sure, the polling would suggest some tolerance, but giving people the privacy of a voting booth allows them to keep the status quo without being called on it.

State by state voting is not the answer. This has to be a federal fight. Slaves were freed through the Emancipation Proclamation. Jim Crow was ended by the Civil Rights Act & Brown v. Board of Education. Big society altering issues need big government's help to push them forward. Our country does not change its evil ways easily, by any means.

Make people go on the floor of the House and argue why they are not allowing highly trained men and women into our armed forces or kicking out the ones we already have. Make Senators explain why two loving committed adults aren't allowed to bond their lives together legally, why they're not allowed to make a family by adopting unwanted children, or why they can't hold each other when it is time for them to pass on from this life.

Call them on their bullshit. Make them say the hateful awful things in their hearts, and then use it against them in their next election. Make their constituents see who they really are. And testify before their committees. Make them hear your stories. Make them witness the harm their hatered causes.

Stop giving people the voting booth excuse. Piecemeal is not the answer. Go for the piese de resistance.

Friday, November 13, 2009


Yes, it is 2am. No, I do not have tomorrow off and am thereby sacrificing sleep to write this post. Why, you might ask? Because, in yet another reason why I want to loose weight, there is this chic at work I seriously want to bone.

No, I shouldn't call her a chic, especially because she is older and more mature than I. But oh, how I want to do things with her. Her name is Liz. She is this short red head with stories to tell and sexual appeal oozing out of her ALL THE TIME.

She is currently in a bisexual poly-amorous relationship, which makes me think I have at least an inkling of a chance.

And...I got her phone number tonight! Score!

And it turns out, she lives about ten minutes away from me. I had the good fortune of giving her a ride home from work tonight. Seriously, the entire way, all I could think about was how I wanted to fuck her and how I had better not fuck up the conversation, thereby ruining my chances at getting in her pants.

I think the stars may be aligned on this one, or maybe I'm just hoping because I've seriously wanted her from day one.

When it comes to me and my attraction two women, there are two categories/influences: 1) physical & 2) personality. Physical is obvious; people want to fuck attractive women. Personality is more nuanced.

For instance, in high school I grew really close to one friend. I didn't realize it until much too late, but I had fallen for her because of her personality. Who she was was all I wanted to be around and talk to for hours each night on the phone. Basically, personality goes a long way for me.

This woman from work is heavy on #2 with a healthy dose of #1. So I really have no choice but to want her. To me, she is the ideal female paramour.

But alas, I am not a natural pursuer; therefore, for now, I will try to cultivate a friendship that I may, one day, be able to pivot into something physical.

As soon as she got out of my car, I started freaking out. She had been in my car! She had had a one-on-one conversation with me for 1 1/2 hours. She didn't just sit in silence while I conveyed her to her place.

In the car alone, I kept talking to my self, cause I was all hot and bothered. If she had told me to come inside, I would have. I would have done just about anything for her tonight. If only she knew.

The things I want to do to her...

The things I want her to do to me...

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Photo Friday/Sunday

So, as per usual, the thing I couldn't find was right in front of my face.

Thus, here is the Sunday edition of Photo Friday.

My Jack-o-Lantern forgot to brush his teeth.

And oh so much candy rotted my pumpkin's brain.

Blood red leaves on a tree in my complex.

I took this photo while on an away trip for work, more for the lines than the view.

The sky outside while waiting for my monthly therapy session.

Scary shadow monster on the office wall.

Gargoyle I came upon while on our way to the Steven Lynch show.

Speaking of, Steven Lynch concert shots at the Lyric Opera House this past Friday. [And yes, it was awesome!]

Those in the know know why this is wrong (and has been fixed).

And finally, a moth on my front door.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Photo Friday Delayed

Sorry folks, you awesome few who actually read my musings. Photo Friday will have to wait a few days.

I seem to have misplaced my memory card reader. Therefore, I have no way to actually post the photos I have taken.

But, be brave; I think I know where it is. However, I have to work an extremely long day tomorrow and should really be in bed right now.

If I am right, Photo Friday will have a Sunday edition. If I am wrong, I'll be sad, but I have the cash to purchase a new reader. So the delay in today's entry will push it to next week.

Once more, I apologize and hope to never do this to you again.


There is this saying when one is in a relationship: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I chose to be happy.

We hugged. I apologized for being bitchy. He told me it was no big deal.

And then we sat and talked about politics for about 30 minutes, which seems odd considering this same topic caused the initial spat, but it worked for us. And by "we talked", I mean he talked and I interjected with side bars every now and again.

So yeah, we're good.

And excited. We're going to a concert tonight. I'll let you know how it goes on Monday, hopefully, assuming I remember or have the time to write.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Always in the Car

My morning has not been fun. I will explain.

As many of you know, yesterday was election day. I was only half interested in the results, seeing as my county did not hold elections. Last night I signed onto Twitter and found through a link an up-to-date posting of results. I went to bed knowing a few things: 1) Virginia still sucks and I refuse to ever live there, 2) Maine was too close to call, 3) NJ you disappointed me, & 4) NY was a split decision that I planned to think about later.

So this morning on the way to work, my SO & I were as usual stuck in rush hour traffic. And unfortunately, he was not asleep. The radio was all a buzz with elections results. No matter where we turned, it seemed we could not get away from it. So finally, we turned the radio off.

Of all the races last night, the one that bothered me the most was for NYC mayor. Before this past election, I had no real opinion on Michael Bloomberg. I knew he was rich and a Republican, but neither of those things in and of themselves would lend me to an opinion on him. But, learning about how he won reelection really irked me. And I said as much to my SO.

I spoke about how sad a state of affairs this world has to be in when money and power can still take one so far and accomplish so much. That a man could outright lie, use his political power to push his own future agenda, and basically treat an elected position like his toy reminded me too much of Iran and Afghanistan elections. It just didn't sit well.

So I say this and, rather than just a head nod from my SO, he starts talking, saying something along the lines of, "Well of course money can do that." And I cut him off. I literally said, "Stop. Please stop talking because you are just going to get me mad. Please just stop."

This situation created what one might expect: TENSION. I drove on for a few minutes, the car silent except for the engine revs, when my SO pipes up to say, "You know, I'm indifferent to many things. People, politics, etc. But what you just said is not cool, not at all." Me, being me, retorted with, "I knew what you were about to say and it would have only served to make me mad. What would you have me do, just sit here angry at you?" His response, "Well, I'm sitting here angry at you now." Needless to say, that ended the conversation. I refused to look at him and cried a little, not out of sadness, but out of frustration and a bit of rage.

My take on the situation? (And mind you, I am very biased.)

Sometimes I just want to rant. Sometimes I don't want, need, require or desire another person's opinion. Sometimes I just want to vent, have the statements in my head become words out of mouth, let them rest in the air around me, take a deep breath out, and just let it be. Sometimes, the best thing in the world for me is just a head nod. But my SO doesn't seem to get this.

I guess this will be one of the things I bring up tonight when we talk about it. He called, just a few minutes ago, asking, "What now?" I said I thought we should use the day to cool off and then come back and talk. He seemed to be okay with that.

The other part of this scenario which is also disrupting my cool: his combination apathy & snark. He says he's indifferent to the world. In my head, that means he doesn't care about anything, leaving me to wonder if he cares about me: how I feel, my life, our relationship, etc.

His apathy also angers me because I believe it is this country's apathy on issues that cause so many problems, for instance healthcare reform. When I went to my Senator's Town Hall meeting, but ended up instead walking around and talking to protectors, I found a lot of opposition to Healthcare reform rested in the hands of apathetic people. Now, obviously they were not apathetic when it came to being taxed or inconveniencing them in any way. But they were apathetic to some of the people this reform was targeting: the poor, the down trodden, the people that bag their groceries or wait on them in the drive through lane. They couldn't see the forest for the trees.

To me, apathy is just as bad, if not worse, than opposition. 50% of this country doesn't vote. That is half of the citizens of this nation not caring about how their lives are impacted by the people who represent them in government, along with whatever proposals they wish to make, laws this wish to pass, restrictions or freedoms they wish to impart. So yes, I'm not a fan of apathy. I think it is too easy an excuse for not manning up and taking a stand on ANYTHING in life.

Snark, however, is something different. My SO seems to love it, like I do at times, but I rarely point it his way. It seems to me, each time this has happened (me getting upset on his commenting when I vent), I've just wanted someone to listen, but he then challenges me on my words. The time to challenge me is not when I'm in an emotional state. My SO being quippy with me does not encourage me; instead, it turns my emotions not on the situation but on my SO. All of a sudden, he becomes the target of my ill feelings, and this is not a good thing, at all. I end up wanting to curse or hit him, driving too fast or dangerously, and basically not having a good time.

So that was/is where my head rests now. For the remainder of the trip, about 25 minutes, we didn't speak to each other. In these situations, it is usually me who breaks the silence. I'm usually the one who tries to restart things, come to a consensus, and get us in a better place before I drop him off at work. Today, I refused. Sometimes, I'm just tired of being the adult in the relationship. For goodness sack, he's 38 years old. Why is someone 12 years older not the mature person in this partnership?

I suspect this evening's talk will be fine. I will try to explain to him that sometimes I just need him to listen, and NOT comment. And maybe that will be the end of this spat. Either way, I'll let you know.
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