I'm Done

I was already a little peeved.

I had waited for five minutes for the assistant to come into my room and check my vitals, a long delay that had previously never happened.

And then I waited on the exam table, naked with my gown opening facing backwards, for another ten minutes for my GYN nurse to come in, again a new occurrence.

And then my GYN and I had this exchange:

"Yes, it's my yearly checkup and I want a full STI panel."
"Has it been a year?"
"The last time I came was for an STI screening six months ago."
"Right, cause if that had been a year then it flew by. Kristen, how much does your STI screening cost?"
"With the few bills I get from the lab, about $150."
"Is that covered by insurance?"
"No."
"You know negative to positive test results take six months to occur."
"Yes, that's why I get tested every six months."
"But it costs so much money. And getting tested that often. Have you had any new partners?"
"Yes."
"Well, okay then."

I know she was just trying to "look out for me", albeit in a condescending I'm-older-I-know-better-than-you manner. I know she was thinking of the financial burden of my twice yearly testing.

But I walked out of the office pissed. And I'm still pissed.

I don't talk to my GYN about my life because she comes off as very judgey.

When I mentioned once that I'd had three new partners since she last saw me, I got the are-you-okay talk.

As if fucking three new guys in six months was a lot. As if my deciding to fuck three (it was more than three) men was somehow a symptom of a problem.

This was the same GYN who, after I broke up with my boyfriend, went on a small diatribe about black men and how culturally they don't want to commit to relationships.

My GYN nurse is white. She had been married to, but was now divorced from, a black man.

So no, I've never told my GYN that I'm a slut. I've never told her that I jaunt off on BDSM vacations with the intention of finding fun with whomever however we choose.

I didn't tell her that in fact, since I last saw her, I've had about six new partners, ranging in sexual activity from just kissing to fisting to PIV fucking.

I don't think that part should matter.

In my opinion, what should matter is her patient asked for an STI screening, so she damn well better give it and that be that. No opinions, no probing questions, no muss or fuss. She is not my therapist; she is definitely not Doc.

Why would a licensed medical practitioner try to dissuade an adult from an STI screening? It just seems so irresponsible.

Twice a year I give blood and my vaginal swabs get screened for a few more tests. Twice a year I make sure I am healthy, that I am safe for my partners (new and old) to play with. Twice a year I do my part to be a responsible kinkster, but more importantly a responsible adult.

I think today was my last visit to my GYN. She was great when I was young and just starting out in my sexual journey. Now it just feels like I'm beyond her.

Actually, more correctly, she is not who I need, nor who I want.

I'm done.