Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Say It


It was loud, but not so loud that I couldn't hear his question.

"What do you want? What do you want, right now? Name it."

I was naked, happy, tipsy. All our friends in our home, at the first party since we kicked the asshole out. We all felt the energy in the air, the cloud of misery lifted, and the pure glee that replaced it. I was bubbly, riding high on a cloud of wonder. This was how our life could be, how our lives would be, from now on.

And yet I couldn't say it.

"What do you want? Tell me."

How could I? It was too big, too much, too soon. How could I be that honest, that open, that truthful to who I was and what I wanted?

I smiled, beamed at him. My heart raced. I bit my lower lip.

He stood so close to me, his scent wafted all around us. I almost let myself get lost in it.

"What ever it is, right now. What do you want? I'll make it happen."


"Say it."

"I'm happy. I'm good, right here, right now."

"Kelly, say it."

"I want you to grab me by my hair, drag me up the stairs, throw me on my bed, fuck me til I scream as I cum, and don't stop after that."

Oh shit.

I said it.

That thing you're never suppose to say, that thing you never let go, that thing you never reveal, that thing that plays out in your mind, a fantasy above all others, but you never, ever, say it.

I said it. Out loud. To him.

Oh shit.

He looked at me for a split second, threw back the last gulp of his beer, and set the empty bottle on the counter.

"Finish your drink."

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