Freedom

Recently I was offered a full time job with a company I like. The work would've been nothing difficult and it would've paid me more than I made in all of 2010 by about five thousand dollars. I turned it down.

For nearly the whole of my professional life, I have worked as a freelancer. I've spent six years in an industry that often chews people up and spits them out. I'm getting to the age where one of three things happen:

1- You accept the fact that you will always be a grunt and just work more to earn more.
2- You get a full time job in another line of work and walk away with the many stories from your days as a freelancer.
3- You move up, advance, or find some other position with a company that does not work your body as hard.

Recently I spoke about how I now have to deal with the challenges of leading more for certain companies. In my industry, I've kind of made it. I believe I made quite a bit more this year than last year, though I'm still waiting on my multiple W-2s to confirm this.

Taking this job would have been smart. It would have been guaranteed work with a set schedule. No surprises, no slow seasons. Just ten hours a day five days a week, 10-99 (no taxes taken out). But I didn't.

The reason why my life is so brilliant currently is the same reason why I couldn't take that job: freedom.

I choose my schedule. Granted it is dependent upon me finding work for the days in which I wish to get paid, but that comes down to hustling. When I want to take a day off, I just say I can't work it. If my friends plan something and I get enough notice ahead of time, I will cancel a gig. I've canceled with every company I currently work for and they still call me back.

Why? Because I'm good at what I do. I show up on time (if not early). I come with not only a degree, but the knowledge I've built up in my six years of experience. Six years of dealing with bullshit. Pushing through when all I want to do is sleep. Being a bleeding heart liberal black woman who still works well with misogynists and nepotists and racists and conservatives.

They trust me enough to toss me keys, tell me the warehouses to visit, pick up their gear, and bring it back. They trust me enough to send me out with a truck full of equipment, a basic idea of what the client wants, a crew of 1-3 people, and belief in my ability to load in, watch over, and break down a show.

With my kink life soaring, with my new found status of social butterfly, I could not accept that job. I already paid for multiple events. I already planned out parts of my year. I set goals. I know what I want for the next eleven months. A full time job was not it.

Just last year I thought I was going to get a stable and secure position in an all together different industry. I submitted an application, along with an extensive resume that included my job history all the way back to college. I interviewed, twice. I went through drug testing. I thought I had it in the bag. Then came a curve ball, and it was over.

And ever since, I've been so happy that it didn't work out. In the allure of the stability, I forgot how much I love my freedom, love that I can lead the life I now have. Love that I can be me without hiding, without (too much) judgement. Love that my life is how I shape it, not fitting into a monotonous mold.

So no full time stable job for me, at least not in 2012. 2013...? Let's see how the next eleven months go.