What Now

~erotica~


"It's okay. It's been a while. Stare. I don't care if you stare at me. Unless I'm inside you. Then I want you to stare at me."

He has a girlfriend now.

We had been flirting all night, my first night back. And then he told me.

"Everything in me wants to be inside you right now."

He told me fifteen minutes ago. Now he was pacing around his apartment. I watched him as I stood on his couch, bouncing on the cushions. He had his way of dealing, and I had mine.

"Why don't you force me?" he asked.
"Excuse me?"
"Force me to fuck you."
"You don't want to cheat on your girlfriend, so no, I will not give you an excuse, a clean conscience to go back to her."

He continued to pace. I continued to bounce.

He rung his hands, brushed his head, and occasionally looked over at me. I had forgotten how gorgeous he was, those eyes piercing the shell I was trying to create around myself. I had forgotten his smell til it wafted up my nostrils when he greeted me at the beginning of our night with a prolonged hug.

"No, I won't force you, but I can do this."

I grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. Standing on the couch, I was at just the right height for his face to rest in my cleavage. I kissed the top of his head and rubbed his shoulder blades.

I thought I was comforting him. His arms gripped around me tight. He let out a sigh.

Before I knew it, he scooped me up and laid my body down onto his couch. He kissed me, the fire of our lust overtaking us. My panties were off a moment later. I didn't want to stop him, for once didn't want to be good.

I heard the ripe of the condom wrapper. Knew in a few breaths that would be it. Knew I still had a chance to stop him.

But I didn't stop him.

We fucked on his couch. It wasn't quick, wasn't spur of the moment. We fucked long and hard. Neither of us could deny it was still there. Neither of us wanted to stop.

I had missed his pounding inside me. Had missed his scent. The feel of his body against mine. Had missed screaming his name so loudly he worried the neighbors would hear. Missed his breath kissing my skin. Missed his whispers in my ear. I missed him.

A year is a long time to be away.

But now that it was over, the both of us sweaty and breathing hard, lying on his couch, our arms wrapped around each other tight. Now that I let him do what he, what we did. Now that I didn't stop him. Now that I had acted unethically, fucked without thinking, done what I would never want done to me...

What do I do now? Because I can't deny that I love him, but I can't be his dirty little secret.