Wednesday, May 19, 2010

It Would Be So Easy

It would be so easy to just let it go.  I could pretend I was okay with the situation, that I believed everything would be fine, that our lives would be back to normal in less than six months.

It would be so easy to forgive and try to forget, just ignore the glaring mistake made, and focus on the things "that matter."

It would be so easy to just pussy out, not say what I'm really feeling, what I really want to do.  Just go with the flow, like a leaf on a branch, ignoring the disease eating away at the roots.

I've done it before, twice in fact, once in love and once at work.  Both situations ended, not of my doing, but by the intervention of others.  Yes, I was happy for the ultimate resolutions, but heart broken in the aftermath.

I always seem to take the easy way, letting my life glide along, instead of taking control of the reigns.

It would be so easy to stay.  It will be so hard to go.


  1. You are not a pussy. You do not always take the easy way out.

    You are between a rock and a hard place in a lot of ways; between someone you love / want to have a future with and a situation that is nearly impossible. Particularly because, from my viewpoint anyway, this isn't the first time you have had a feeling or point-of-view that has in some way been bulldozed through denial, ignoring, or, in this case, a lie of omission and forced acceptance of a plan that you were not fond of to begin with.

    I know you get this, but I want to remind you to never let yourself forget that the things "that matter" include honesty, trust, respect. It matters that you are treated as an equal partner in your relationship, as an equal partner in your household. It matters that your opinion is not asked cursorily but asked out of genuine interest and concern and that it is respected to the greatest extent possible. Your dreams and hopes matter. Your future matters.

    You are not a passive leaf, no matter which way you go. You are standing at a crossroads with the knowledge of the past and your hope for the future and you will choose which path to take, just as you do daily and just as we all do. It's just one of those times where the "right" path is less clear.

  2. I've got to cosign everything that Jo just said.


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