Disgusted

To be perfectly honest, it's hard for me to look in a mirror. It's hard for me to see what I've done to myself. I find my physical appearance disgusting. No one should feel this way about themselves.

One would think this would galvanize me into action, when, in fact, it's done the opposite. Instead of going to the gym, I find myself sleeping in my car, waiting for the time to go by. My hope if being my high school weight again seems far away, almost hopeless.

In my head, I know what I should be doing. It's getting the rational part of my mind to dictate what I do. Currently, the emotional side wins out 75% of the time.

I feel like shit. I look like shit. This is not a good day for me.