Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #32 ? Start with the rules, come back in January to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!
~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~
A Feminist Defense of Consensual Nonconsent - How does a woman who identifies as a feminist reconcile her desire to submit to her partner during sex? Being somewhat new to kink, I had some trepidations about how submission seemingly went against my ethics.
Intimates - As the evening drew on, I felt like the sexiest woman alive. It’s strange to describe it this way, but I actually felt brimming with a sort of sexual energy. A lustiness, a sexiness, an allure and a desire all at once.
Tightest Space - I'm paying close attention to your moans, and I stop whenever it feels like it might be too much. But the incredibly tight feeling of your ass gripping my cock is so delicious that I need to get all the way in.
~ e[lust] Editress ~
An Open Letter to the Sex Toy Industry - I write this post not to just let off some steam but with the smallest glimmer of hope that maybe…….just maybe….some of these words will land on the right computer screen and be taken to heart. Maybe one change will happen.
~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~
International #Fisting Day!! - Beyond awareness and calling for action, I think International Fisting Day is a great day to celebrate fisting; an intimate, hugely erotic and often orgasmic act that doesn’t get the recognition it deserves.
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!
Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
A Bit about Crushes
Are You on the Pill?
How to Approach Your Partner with a Fantasy
Meeting New People
Sex And Disability: What Does the Literature Say?
Settling – Striving For Connections in Non-Monogamy
Sex and Heart Attacks
Training my rear end
Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Getting Past The Word 'Slut'
Private Pictures
The Fetish Fashion of l'Enfant Terrible
Kink & Fetish
Enough is Enough
Hands
In his hands the vibe was intensity personified
Live Well
Public Exposure: The Third Birthday Fantasy 
Rope
Scammers come in different flavours
When Submission is a Dry Biscuit
Erotic Writing
A contrast in swinging
A Frightened Heart
6-Some Fun
Bent
Come Again
Emily
Her First Time
In the Bathroom
Move
treat

Something New

Today I started something hard. Get your mind out of the gutter; this is not one of those posts. It was difficult, challenging, but I felt great afterwards, and feel it will be worthwhile, if I can get myself to continue.

This morning, I woke up at 6:30am, put on my sneakers, and got on my roommate's treadmill. I tried the level two interval, walking and running for a total of thirty minutes. It hurt, but with my music playing, and me singing along, it was kinda fun, too.

I can't point to the moment where I decided to start running in the morning. I can tell you about the positive influences in my life that make me want to run before work.

I live with two athletes. SkinnyBitch runs marathons; DeepEnd is a hardcore cyclist. I rode with DeepEnd on a fun ride up in my hometown recently. He, thankfully, stuck with my pace, and we had a great time. I love riding my bike, a lot, but it is too fucking cold outside, not to mention too fucking dark when I get home. So, the treadmill.

I must confess, I had hoped my roommates would have such a positive influence over me before I even walked into our home. I knew they were way more active than I am, though my job is physical in nature. I like doing heart-racing, breath-gasping things. It's just you have to get me off the couch and moving for me to actual engage in physical fun.

And now that I've started bloviating on this one little topic, I now know when I decided to start running. It was two things, piled one on the other, that pushed me forward.

Recently SkinnyBitch, while in my car, breezily mentioned her dress size to me and how it was big enough. I know she meant big enough for her, but alas... If you put a one in front of her dress size, you would then know mine. I can say, for certain, I have not been her dress size since before high school.

The second moment, again from SkinnyBitch, was after dinner last night. Complimenting me on the meal I cooked, she unbuttoned her jeans, adding this was a problem. The bottoms in question were, in fact, her fat jeans.

When I look at her, I don't see fat. I see, in fact, a skinny bitch. But that was enough to motivate me. Because if even she felt like more exercise needed to be added to her life, than I definitely needed to add some to mine.

I have no solid goals for this endeavor. No amount of weight loss, no waist line measurement will make me feel like I've grabbed the brass ring. It would be nice to fit into a certain dress I have hanging in my closet. And it would be nice to feel better, overall, about my health and fitness. Most of all, it would be nice to go into a department store, and not worry if they still have anything in my size.

So, I'm trying this. Something new, though not really all that new. I'm a chic; I've tried regular exercise before. In my previous attempts, my efforts fizzled out because of work or fatigue. However, since I'm starting this at the height of busy season, when I really need to work everyday til I can't work anymore, I no longer have my job as an excuse.

And, frankly, having my two roommates in the house is a motivator. Knowing they are training to be in tip-top shape for Spring, and that they know I've started running, is reason enough to keep me going.

Yes, I'm doing this for me, but in a way I want to do it for them, too. Because, though they'd never say it to me, if I crash and burn on this, it would feel like I'm letting the house down.

I mean, we're all hot. How can I not contribute to the furthering of our hotness.

Triggered & 60/40

Rope Camp Memories continued...

As the boys finished cleaning up, I sat by the corner of the stage, talking to Cabin Meat. I showed her the photos I took of the acts, pleased at my work. When I looked up, at the frame on the ground across from the stage, I saw a bit of a really hot scene with Lqqkout & mecha-Kate.

I then looked to my left, and saw Murphy with Janice and Gray with another girl on his lap.

I was triggered.

I was trying to brush off Dov's comment, having heard it only a few minutes prior. I knew he didn't mean to hurt me, but he did. But then I saw the two guys supposedly co-topping me that night hanging out with two other beautiful women. I felt the emotions swim up on me, like a heavy wet blanket.

You motherfucker. You're happening again. You're happening again? Right now? Why are you doing this to me? Why?

Waves of insecurity came back in one quick rush. Feelings of inadequacy, of not being good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, submissive enough, anything enough flooded my brain.

I immediately went into self soothing mode. I looked at my photos again. This didn't work.

Thankfully, I looked up and realized I should watch Lqqkout & Kate's incredibly hot scene. It was, by far, the closet thing I've ever seen to fucking with a guys pants still on. Lqqkout suspended Kate high up on the arch. With gloves on, he began to finger her, which then translated to fisting her. He slowly let her tie off, lowering her down, so that all her weight was supported by was her chest harness and his hand in her pussy. She began screaming and cumming, squirting on the mats below.

Just then, Murphy approached and stood next to me. Pushing my feelings aside, I showed him the photos I'd taken of the circus. Gray then came over, too, and I showed him, as well. But, I soon realized my efforts were not going to work, as Gray kept distracting me, poking me in the boobs.

Gray then poked Cabin Meat in the boobs, too. She, in turn, poked Gray back. His focus latched onto her. "Whatever you do to me I'm gonna do ten times back to you."

In an instant, my head went in two different directions. 40% of me was jealous Cabin Meat was getting this attention from Gray. But 60% of me couldn't stop looking at her. When Gray was up in her personal space (doing I'm-not-sure-what to her) her head rolled back, her eyes closed, and her face smoothed out.

I stood, scrunched up, a hand under my chin, my arms closed in on my chest. I just watched. All I kept thinking, as I took in this moment, was I want to play with Cabin Meat. I want to play with Cabin Meat.

And yes, there was a part of me that was jealous of the attention she was getting, but, at the same time, more of me was pulled in by how gorgeous she was, how much I wanted to taste her lips. All I wanted, in that moment, was to kiss her.

Circus

Rope Camp Memories continued...

After dinner, I headed back to my cabin to get ready for the evening. The only hiccup: I was scared my takedown would happen at any moment. I stood in the shower, worried that at any second someone would pull me out and it would begin. My fear went so far as I thought I heard people gathering, prepping to snatch me. But, alas, no. I got out of the shower, with no one else in the cabin. I put on a cute school girl outfit, and headed to 1/2.

As I stepped out of my cabin, though, it was raining. Not willing to wait, I thought Fuck it, and started walking. Fortuitously, a taxi pulled up after just a few steps. He gave me a ride up to NYR cabin, my rainy lifesaver.

When I arrived, everyone was prepping for The Circus. Murphy sat on his bed, drawing out Slut's award, to be bestowed on her after her takedown. With the letters penciled in, he handed it to me to fill in the color. Incidentally, I found a typo and got him to fix it.

With her award completed and hidden, and everyone packed and ready to go, I helped Murphy and Gray carry their things as we all trekked to the Dungeon.

Murphy Blue's Three Frame Circus

With the Dungeon filling up with people, both watching and playing, the NYRs descended upon the stage. In the rush to set up, we figured out who went where and who needed what.

The acts for the evening:
Cabin Thug: fire cupping
Dov: Trapeze act
Gray: magic
Murphy: aerials

We turned off the stage lights, repositioned some clip lights, and the show began.

Cabin Thug setup his area on a table at downstage center. Dov worked on the rig on stage left, prepping for his model to arrive. Murphy and Gray shared the stage right frame, with Gray going first.

As Cabin Thug began fire play with one of his girls, Gray setup a carabener rigged to his frame by just a single short piece of thin rope. Each of the four ladies who participated in the act came on stage with a chest harness already around their torso. As Gray rigged each lady to his carabener, he slowly lowered them down. Each woman eventually sat at a right angle, their knees bent, with their head resting on the knees of the person behind them. This created a box of beautiful women, all supported by a single piece of rope.

Gray then whipped out his knife. In a moment of clarity, I turned to Murphy and asked, "Where is your camera?"

"Fuck, we forgot the camera!"

With a flourish, Gray unfolded his knife, cut the rope, and all the ladies stayed. The audience applauded, but not one shot was taken to capture the moment. Lame sauce.

After his trick, we delivered the disappointing news to Gray. I then ran back to the cabin to grab Murphy's camera. Once again, my magical taxi was there, ready to save the day. It was as if I and the taxi driver had a mind-meld that night; we I needed him, he always appeared.

After Gray's trick, it was Murphy's turn. He setup the large aluminum ring on the frame and repositioned the clip lights. Handing me the camera, he told me to take pictures. I slowly moved around the stage, capturing Cabin Thug's fire work, Dov's trapeze act (his model had arrived), and Murphy's aerial display.

Murphy tied Janice to the aluminum ring, smiles and glee awash on her face. She spun around, floating in a blissful world above all of us. Meanwhile, Dov rigged Celeste to a bamboo pole hung off of his frame. She balanced on the back of her knees, hanging down as he tied her to the pole. I captured process shots of Dov's work, as well as Murphy's, slinking around the stage.

As Dov was finishing his tie, he asked if I got the shot. I was having trouble with one setting on Murphy's camera, not sure what I was doing wrong. Dov beckoned Murphy over, saying we were getting nothing but shit from his camera.

I know Dov didn't mean for his comment to sound like it did, but in that moment, I felt like he was disparaging my photography, not Murphy's equipment. Murphy adjusted the camera, took a few shots, and reassured Dov that the moment was captured. Murphy then handed the camera back to me.

As the boys finished up, I took some more photos, trying to not think about Dov's comment. I tried to stay in the moment, tried to stay giddy at the performances, tried to be pleased by the work of my friends.

Afterwards, I was happy with my photography, delighted at a few amazing shots I'd captured, but I wasn't feeling so great overall.

GKE Quotes

"You know you're dealing with a fisting slut when she brings her own gloves and lube." - Jefferson, when I randomly demo-bottomed for his G & P Spots class


"Nice ass?"- SkinnyBitch
"That's his way of saying Hello."- Me, explaining my Big Bro


"Sadist is in my name."- Pyro, during his installation of my Easy Button


"I cut into it, and it reformed. I swear, I think it was alive."- SkinnyBitch, on her dessert for the formal dinner


"You could've borrowed some of my clothes."- Me
"Yes, but I wanted to buy my clothes."- Cairo, on the allure of Delicious' wares


"My husband and I wear the same dress and shoe size. It's so convient."- Cairo, on the symmetry of her marriage


"I was trying to say as nicely, sweetly, calmly, gently as I could that we needed to get the fuck out of there and go the fuck to bed. Goddammit, I'm fucking tired."- Me, on the drive back to the hotel from the local 24 hour eatery at 5:30am


"It's weird, cause I didn't take notes at this event, and I'll have to recall it just from memory."- Me
"Oh, you mean what everyone else does?"- Lizzy, my smart and smartass friend


"It's like the best lemonade I've ever had."- SkinnyBitch, as we hacked our taste buds


"It can't be 1:40am."- Diamond
"It's the second 1:40am."- Me, on daylight savings and such


"What are they doing?"- Pyro's friend
"I think they're blowing up a trash can."- Pyro, on geeks and their fun parlor tricks


"He's still talking about his cat."- SkinnyBitch
"He's MurphyBlue; he can get away with it."- Me, on the allure of Big Bro


"For shame. For shame. A bootblack with dirty boots."- SkinnyBitch
"Well, it isn't as if I can bootblack myself."- Me, as SkinnyBitch volunteered her feet to help me clean my boots


"You're so hot."- Alice
"I was sleeping next to Kristen."- SkinnyBitch, when she climbed into bed with Alice, commenting on my new skill as a human space heater


"Why was the orgy room on the quiet floor?"- Oh, the irony

Easy Button

Some kinky handles are awesome names. Some are boring names. Some make no sense. The great ones, though, describe the person quite well.

Have you met PyroSadist?

Well, I have. I officially met him at Summer Camp this year, though I'd known of him for a year. At camp, we loosely made plans to play, but as per usual at kink events for me, I got busy, and we never got around to having our scene.

So, when strolling through the vendor hallway, and happening to find him in one of the vendor rooms, I was quite pleased. He sat on an ottoman, at just the right height that when I hugged him he nuzzled his face in my chest. Of course, I giggled, and hugged him harder.

I then gave him my customary warning, "Just so that you know, I never break hugs first."

"Really?"

You know, sometimes I probably should keep my mouth shut.

With Pyro's face perfectly positioned in my cleavage, he began biting my right boob. I yelped, and then whimpered as he bit harder, seeing how far I would go. No, I didn't stop hugging him.

A woman, I think his partner, who laid on the bed behind him, commented that I was a cute little toy who made fun noises. I must admit, at one point, while Pyro continued to bite me, I almost came just from the pain.

When he paused, the first time, we all marveled at his work: a small nickle sized bruise starting to form.

People walked in; people walked out. A friend of his came by and hugged him. I moved from his lap; he pulled me back over, saying that was no excuse for me to leave.  I showed off his initial work.

So what did Pyro do as I displayed his gift? Of course he bit me, again. I yelped, again. And moaned, again. And he stopped for us all to look at it, again. It had grown from a nickle to a quarter.

NYRCampSlut, who was strolling in the vendor area with me, decided she wanted to contribute. She then pulled out her pinwheel and ran it across my bruise. Our friend Alice, who also roamed with us, decided she wanted to slap my face. Pyro's friend got up off the bed and began thrusting her hips against my ass. She flippantly made a comment about getting her strap-on, but never fulfilled the tease. But oh, I wanted her to.

When Slut had to run, of course Pyro's teeth found my breast, again. I had already started grinding on his knee. Wearing boxer shorts as my only bottoms, I could feel how wet I was, and suspected Pyro could too. I almost came at least three times as I both rode his knee and cocked my ass back to stimulate his partner.

When he finally let go once more, the raise area was larger than my actual nipple. He joked he wanted to pierce that, too.

Alice soon had to leave as well, though. And it was getting late. We all had plans for the evening.

I was sweaty and horny, but happy. I hugged Pyro again, the big bear of a man with his strong arms around me, comforting me after inflicting such sweet pain.

Later that evening, when I showed NYRCampSlut my bruise, she poked it and dubbed it my 'Easy Button.'

"See, cause it's so easy to play with." Poke Poke Poke.

Impromptu scenes at events... Oh how I love being a slut.

[Side note: Here is a picture of said Easy Button taken today, two days later.]

Therapeutic Rope

GKE: The Geeky Kink Event

I am sure there will be many a blog, FetLife post, Tweet, and multitudes of other writings about this past weekend. Instead of being one of those who talks about what went right and what went wrong, instead I'll just speak on a few of my experiences there.

The first of my trio of GKE moments I'm calling Therapeutic Rope.

This past weekend was full of emotions for all my friends as we traveled to New Jersey and attended this first ever event. My roommate SkinnyBitch and I shared a hotel room with two other friends. Both she and I were churning feelings like whirlpools, but hoped we would have pleasant fun times all the same.

And we did, somewhat, but at one point we each needed space to just feel.

I gave SkinnyBitch a few moments of stillness Saturday night. I had wanted to rig her in a simple suspension, something to get her mind off of present situations and maybe give her some happy floaty feelings. Unfortunately, when we checked out the Dungeon spaces, all hard points were occupied.

Instead, we headed back to our room. Our other two roomies were off having fun. We cleared our bed and, I explained what kind of binding I wanted to do. She agreed and I began.

I pulled out my rope and set it on the bed. She was already sitting in just her underwear. I suggested music. She had a song she wanted me to hear, called Lotion. For those who don't know it, think of a certain scene from Silence of the Lambs, set to music.

As it played, we both had to laugh, a good way to start. Before I put my rope on her body, I just had to let her know that, no matter what, I loved her and would always be there for her. She said she knew.

Kneeling behind her, I wrapped my rope around her chest, and created a constrictive box tie. Scouting her back, which again illicited giggles from us both, her head rested on some pillows I'd set up.  I then secured her ankles together. Last, I bent her knees and tied the binding on her ankles to her thighs.

She laid there, unable to move, quiet, thinking. When she was ready, she began to talk. I listened. She cried. I stayed with her. I was silent but compassionate. I let her be. My ropes forced her to just be. When she was ready, I freed her bindings. She felt better.

She stayed in the room that night, opting to relax with one of our roommates and just watch tv. I, however, headed back out.

Big Bro had promised me some rope, and I had asked for a hard rope takedown. Finding him in one of the Dungeon spaces, I patiently waited. When it was my turn, I stripped down and stepped under his arch. I mentally prepared myself. I stretched. I breathed.

He started from behind me, wrapping his rope around my torso. He opted to secure my arms, but let my hands hang down free. His first hard jolt rocked my chest forward. His second, which included a kick to my left shoulder, knocked me down to one knee. After some more work, he grabbed me by my hair and pulled me fully down to the ground. I began sobbing. He tied one leg, then the other. My head rested on its side on the floor.

I let my tears flow, let my sobs out, let myself feel what I had been holding back. I acknowledged the pain I'd hidden from myself, acknowledged the emotions I had pushed aside. I made myself be important, instead of putting others first, just for this scene.

He began untying me. I silenced my tears, quieted my sobs. Diamond, one of his partners, brought over a rag to wipe away my snotted face. As I relaxed into Murphy's arms, he wouldn't just let it go. He told me to not hold it in, that it was ok to let go. I told him, if I started crying, I didn't know when I'd stop. He said there was nothing wrong with that.

I sobbed, again, this time harder. It started quiet, the silent screams coming out. It soon grew louder, and I really released my pain. For about a minute or two, I swam in it. Then I pulled myself out again.

Big Bro and Lil Sis hugged me. Diamond and Wyldcat, another of Murphy's partners, watched on. Murphy told me to not forget I always had people there for me. I always had someone to lean on. I didn't have to be alone. I was, in fact, surrounded.

My breathing slowed, and my sobs silenced, I cuddled with Lil Sis on the side of the arch. She refused to stop hugging me. I felt much better.

I don't know why my internal pain sometimes needs physical manipulation to manifest itself. I don't know why I, sometimes, hold it all in. I don't know why I put others first, why my own feelings seem less than how others are doing. I don't know why it is so hard for me to acknowledge my needs and wants. I just don't know.

But, for now, I am allowing myself to be sad. I am allowing myself to cry. I'm not weepy all day, languishing around the house or anything. Instead, I just don't deny what I'm feeling. I let myself feel it. That in and of itself is what I need right now. Just to feel.

And I am making myself remember there are people around me to hug and hold and just be with. Though my life is not perfect, there are some pretty fucking good parts, one of which I will talk about next.