Snoozed

We landed, he texted at 6:52am. I didn't get Stefanos's message til 8:46am.

I'm having breakfast, came his next text. I scrambled to get ready.

As luck would have it, I caught a ride from a taxi all the way around campus.

But, just as we were about to make the turn towards the Dining Hall, the driver noticed a problem with the cart. My ride had me disembark by cabin 15/16 so that they could take the vehicle back up the hill.

When I turned around, I saw him. The leather kilt. The smile. I scurried up the hill and into his arms.

We hugged, and hugged, keeping hold of around each other.

He looked exhausted. His plane ride had been a red eye, so I was sure he needed sleep. But he wanted to chat with people who walked by. He wanted to be engaged. I delicately extracted him and encouraged him towards his cabin.

"You know, you could help me sleep." His suggestion was music to my weary ears.

We crept into the cabin. With a gentle hand, I put down my bag. Shay was already in bed asleep, blindfolded and ears plugged. She was smart.

Shay and Stefanos had yet to receive their linens. Shay snuggled with a blanket.

I only took off my shirt, but kept my bra, skirt, and tall socks on. I was glad for my tall socks.

Stefanos and I got into the bed, got back into each others arms. Closed our eyes.

I snoozed, drifting in and out of sleep. As I rested, I imagined energy pulsing from me to him. Imagined a glow forming from my body to his frame.

We kept changing positions, kept trying to find the best way to arrange ourselves in the bed. But with each configuration we chose, some part of me was always touching some part of him.

I listened to their combined breathing, two people that I had missed so. I smiled, knowing I had four days to spend with them.

My first moments with Stefanos and Shay were golden.

My Eff

I love my friends; they challenge me in ways I cannot do myself.

Case and point: I just finished reading an essay by my friend Graydancer, Eff The Ineffable.

In it, he challenges everyone to name the things that make you different.  Why are you a "unique little snowflake"?  Why is an experience with you special?  In short, why should someone play with you?

I appreciated this question; it made me evaluate my own selfworth, which is something I've been trying hard to do. 

What is my Eff?

Physically, I know I'm attractive.  Recently, I was even described as beautiful by a person who'd only met me once. 

I believe in my beauty at fleeting moments: in the morning when I'm brushing my teeth, after a post-shower masturbation session when my skin is flushed and my curls are perfectly tossed about, once I've gotten ready for a party and take that final look in the mirror before I leave. 

I know the features I love most, which also happen to be the ones that get the most attention.
 
My naturally curly hair is an obvious draw.  It's not always the case that a black woman lets you touch her strands.  I, however, love it.  Play with it; mess it up.  Running your fingers through my locks and massaging my scalp is an easy way to bend me to your will.  And pulling it, especially during sex or play, sends me over the moon.

And then there is my ass.  I've written poetry about it, and often take pictures of it post play, as it is a favored target.  The curve, the mass of the flesh; I do not possess the words to describe how much I adore my ass.

Beyond my looks, I know the little things I do, the small nuggets I give in my interactions with people, that brings something special when I am with you.

My eyes are a soft chocolate brown.  Often, when I play, they are mostly closed.  But, when I do open them, and stare deep into you, I am connecting more than flesh-to-flesh.  I am letting you in and asking for the same.  I am focusing my energy on you, giving of myself to you, and hoping I can receive in kind.

When I am really nervous, or unsure, or desparate, but without the courage to say so, I have this way of stealing quick glances: bending my head towards the ground, biting my lower lip, and hurriedly flicking my eyes up and down, trying to not get caught.  When you do catch me, you like what you see.

When I've gotten to know you and formed at least a loose friendship, each time we greet my eyes are bright, smiling more than my lips, pulsing my happiness out to you.

And then there is my submission: my head on your knee, my willingness to please, to give, to submit.  It has only been these past few months that I've grown to aprreciate, understand, and love how much I can give by being at your knee, at your heel, at your side. 

I am there for you, and only you.  My focus is your pleasure, whether through a task, my pain, or my silence.  My single-minded will to give of myself to you is another type of energy, another level of attachment I bring to the table.

The last, and I believe the best, trait I bring is my smile, my laughter, my giddiness towards life.  I often say, "I cultivate my childlike whimsy."  I giggle at the drop of a hat.  Occasionally I have to stop myself when the fits start and I get lost in the glee of it all. 

I will be the first to cheer you up, give you a hug, hold your hand while you pour out your heart.  Maybe you need a backrub.  Maybe I can say something funny to make you smile.  I believe making others happy, bringing joy and wonder to the everyday, is a reason to live.

So, that's my Eff, at least what I can think of this afternoon.  What's yours?

Gasland: America's Inconvient Natural Gas Truth

I know it's been almost a month since I last posted, but this topic is so important I let go of my petty little life problems and sat down to write about it.  If you are subscribed to HBO, record and watch Gasland.  If you're not, find a friend who is.  This is a story every American needs to know and, having learned the truth about another dirty little secret from the previous administration, everyone needs to work to stop the increase of natural gas production.

Like most, I believed the hype.  I saw T. Boone Pickens on TV advocating for natural gas as a way to bridge our country's transition to clean renewable energy.  I thought, "Maybe this man isn't as crazy as he sounds?"  Of course, then I learned how much money he was making from natural gas and I became suspicious.  Tonight, I watched the documentary Gasland on HBO.  My suspicions were confirmed still further, with horror and fear to top it all off.

I'm sure everyone has heard about people who can light their water on fire.  Personally, I thought it was an urban legend or just some dumb joke.  Instead it is a waking nightmare for thousands of people in the Midwest and Middle South, from New Mexico to Colorado, Utah, Texas, Arkansas, and yes Louisiana.  Contaminated drinking water, not fit for anything living to drink, pours into these people's homes through their faucets.  When you watch the documentary, you'll see many people light their water on fire.  And by many, I mean just about every person the director/writer interviews.

There are jars of murky water.  There are dead animals who drank the contaminated creek or river water.  There are chemical emissions hundreds of times above heath standards.  And there are companies (and yes Halliburton is one of them; they even have a loophole named after them) who are involved, but they constantly deny all of it: the problems faced by the victims, the toxic chemicals they refuse to disclose, the harm it is all causing.

Watching this movie was like watching An Inconvenient Truth, but going 100mph.  Neurological problems, cancer, loss of hair, deaths.  It's all happening right now.  And the public at large just doesn't know.

This is the type of movie that makes you want to scream, to hit someone or something, and then ride your bike to work.  If you watch this movie, you will not want to use any natural gas.  I say this as a person who is about to move into an apartment where my heat is created through natural gas (and yes, it gets very cold in the winter where I live).  I say this as a young America who wants her future children to have clean air and clean drinking water.  And I say this as a person who votes.

Watch this movie.  It is yet more you need to know and more you need to work towards fixing.

At the end of this movie, I remarked how I would love to see wind turbines on the sides of highways, out in the ocean in the horizon, in back yards, in fields, anywhere you could fit them.  The same holds true for solar panels.

I can't remember what I was watching, but a gentleman remarked you could almost create universal clean energy just by paying every household $7000 to put solar panels on their roof.  This also included apartment buildings and the like.  And he said how absurd this was because it cost too much to implement.  But what he didn't ponder is the cost we are already paying because we have not converted to a clean energy society.

If anything, I believe everyone in the Gulf region would argue for a better way to find energy than what we are doing now.

I suppose this is all to say: I'm willing to pay to have clean air and clean water for myself and my future family.  And I believe others are willing to, as well.  Because I don't want to pay for my lifestyle the way our country currently is.