HPV

I've decided to go ahead and write about something that has been on my mind, and stressing my life, for the past few months.

I have HPV. I don't know who gave it to me. I just know I have it.

It was found after a series of pap smears, having come up abnormal, forced me into the uncomfortable situation of a colposcopy, which ultimately confirmed the diagnosis.

Needless to say, for a while, I was scared and angry and sad. When I got the phone call from my NP, telling me I needed to come in for the procedure, I was not expecting it. I thought I was fine: no symptoms, no problems, in a loving managomous relationship. But HPV creeped up on me.

I remember crying in my car, on the phone with my best friend, my SO beside me. The colposcopy came back. The cells are too abnormal. They needed to be removed. I remember thinking, "Why is this happening?"

I felt powerless. I felt like I had done something wrong. I wanted to blame someone. I wanted to break something. It didn't seem fair. I'd received the vaccine. But, I was probably infected already.

I just recently finished recovering from my surgery. My abnormal cells were removed from my cervix in a painless procedure. My cervix is healed. Now I have to receive a pap smear every six months for three years. If all goes well, that will be it.

I may lead a perfectly normal life, not having to worry much about HPV. With yearly checkups, it is safe to say any abnormal cells, should they arise again, will be detected, removed, and I will be fine. And since I received the vaccine, I am still guarded from other strains of the virus.

Going through this, and now trying to not think about it, is just another situation I never expected to face. My cousin died of cancer. My aunt (and substitute grandmother) died of cancer. That scares me.

But I don't have cancer. And I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have to keep positive. I can't let myself fret over something that hasn't happened yet, or may never happen. I have to be happy with my today, and let the rest sort itself out tomorrow.

"After all, tomorrow is another day." - Scarlet O'Hara (Gone With The Wind, one of the best movies EVER!)